Fluctuating weight problems, yup I got um!
If your anything like me, I struggle with weight issues. I have been a chubby bunny my entire grown life and for most of my childhood. For as long as I can remember I have been on a diet, and not just eating healthy type of diet, but all the dumb fad diets that promise all the promises and makes you eat anything from hotdogs and spinach to eating tuna and boiled eggs every day. As a child I despised everything that was forced on me and really set it in my head that because I was a fat little kid that it was my mothers fault for failing me in a properly nutritious diet.
It wasn't until I really dug into my own self development and took a seminar that talked about meanings and how a lot of times after having gone through something that challenges us, our go to response has a tendency to leave us blaming anyone but ourselves. We are the last to want to be responsible for the actions we do that hold ourselves back. Its easier to look outside of ourselves to pin the causes of our dismay on, yet when we do that we dig in deeper into our negative ways of living. we attach meaning to everything that happens to us without focusing on the facts that are given. Attaching our own meanings that feed the ongoing agendas and scenarios that we play out in our minds, it reassures us that those negative thoughts are true. These 'MEANINGS' are always going to fuel your own agenda. Especially if that means keeping you in your comfort zones and not letting you push past the barriers we put on ourselves.
So how do you change for the better and push past these blocks we built ourselves? Thats a great question, you take responsibility for the actions you are continuing to fall into and you change that. It does start with a mindset change. Knowing that change is going to be different, it might make you uncomfortable, but aren't you already uncomfortable living with all that added weight and guilt? You cant reap the reward if you don't change what your doing and that will be different but it doesn't have to be hard if you don't focus on the struggle.
Today I'm on a different path, I am a 7 year user of an incredible product called Isagenix and with the support of their incredible products I have managed to lose over 150 lbs and I am doing it all again! I thought I knew everything there was to know about losing weight after going through such an extreme weight loss and sustaining that weight loss for four years. My ambition faltered when I got pregnant with my second child and was recommended that I stop taking those products I ended up gaining 60 lbs back! It was a rocky situation and with my elevated weight I ended up with postpartum depression which only fed into my drive to keep pushing the food to my mouth.
I lost myself in my depression and my ambition spiraled. Everything from parenting to normal home duties were impossible to accomplish happily and left and right I felt myself biting at everyone I loved. I didn't know how to properly and effectively look at what I was doing to cause my unhappiness, instead I blamed my husband and chose to make him responsible for my unhappiness. I picked fights and caused him so much stress and after coming out of it I realized just how hard I was making everyones life around me. I had family stop talking to me and block me on social media because I was just spreading my negativity around like a wildfire.
Finally I decided I could no longer feel like this, I could no longer make my family feel terribly just for trying to support me. I had to change, even tho every ounce of me believed that if they were just better or helped out more I wouldn't be this way. I took that seminar and kept diving into self help, listening to podcasts and reading books about working on ones self and I came to the place where I am now. I no longer wish my family to be better or to help out more. I can't force anyone to do anything, all I can do is change my own reactions and try to more effectively communicate my needs.
Now I am full force on my products, pursuing a life that I only ever dreamed of and I couldn't be more ecstatic to wake up everyday and GET to exercise my body and GET to fuel it with food that serves my body. I get to enjoy my family and not leave my emotions up to chance. Now I lead by example of how I want to be as a parent and a partner and its quite exhilarating getting to be surprised by my kids and spouse at how they are taking my lead and showing up in a more supportive way.
I may not be at my goal and I may not be where I started but all I know is that I wouldn't trade this wild ride for anything! What I have learned from this roller coaster of a journey is there is no destination. We are all living everyday and thats where we should be, not living in the future waiting for the 'right' time to do anything because there is never going to be a right time. Making time is an excuse that those stuck in their negative patterns like to try to convince others of, but what is true is if its important to you you plan for it and you create the time you need to focus on your goals.